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Love and trust, in the space bewteen what's said and what's heard in our life, makes all the difference in the world- Mr. Rogers
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| Ask me to stay |
| 01.22.04 (12:24 am) [edit] |
I could tell she wasn’t feeling well, unusually sad and melancholy, so I made her dinner and small talk. The mood lighten and eventually there were glimpses of her. A smile returned, a sarcastic comment or two, and finally more meaning full topics reached, I started to clear the table; she reached for my hand. Surprised and shaken, I held the dishes, but not my heart.
[i]Ask, me to stay.[/i]
[i]For any reason, just ask- cause you know the answer and I know the consequence. In the very least, I get to make love to you and at best my heart is devastated for only a while longer. Ask me. It will mean nothing to you, and everything to me. Just say what you need from me. Who needs a heart anyway? I don’t, especially not when mine is unrequitedly attached to you. So just ask again, I'll have the right answer this time. My heart can’t seem to connect anywhere else- so touch me again, I will not flinch. You are the only beacon my heart insists on honing to, let me come home to you. [/i]
Somehow I broke away and I moved from her touch, escaping her fingertips. Visions of my heart shattering like the dishes I’ve begun to wash were inescapable. Visions of her could not be help either. In her sadness, her intensity wass undeniable and sexy. Her tight sweater was more then distracting. A plate slipped from my hand.
Distracted in my thoughts, caught up in the music and as I was trying to figure out how to rip my own heart out, I finally noticed her watching me. Elbow deep in dishwater, two plates to go, a wry smile asked, “can I help with anything?” Timing, my Love, has never been your strong suit. But before I managed that answer, before I could turn, before I realized what was about to happen, she was behind me, pressed to my back, hands moving to my waist. I felt every point of contact, her cheek to the base of my neck, her left hand onto my hip, her hips brought in tight to my body and her other hand came to rest on my stomach.
“Sure, I can’t help” she whispered into my ear.
What [b]should[/b] I have done? How [b]should[/b] I have responded?
I had no idea, I still don't- I just turned and went about the chore of loving her.
Knowing this could lead to know where good, I tried to stop thinking and focused on her and her need tonight. With that soley in mind, there was no hesitation, I know what she wants, what she likes. I found her mouth with mine, softly at first, enjoying her mouth, her whole mouth. From the corner of her lips to the fullness that forms the tenderness in each kiss, I worked. Her tongue slid to find mine- inviting me deeper, I couldn’t resist this fall. My heart shatters, I’ll collect those pieces later. She moved closer. Pressed full against me now, I wanted nothing more than to feel her skin to mine.
“Should we?” I ignored the question and pulled her sweater over her head.
“I mean, is this ok with you?” I moved to her neck and backed her against the wall. She asked me nothing else.
She smelled of a sweetness I cannot describe, my hands in her hair turning her face up to mine; she pulls me into her with a kiss. The cold wall makes her shudder; I pretend it was my doing. My shirt, her satin bra, two pairs of jeans and my inhibitions drop to the floor. And there she was before me, looking up at me, through me-
[i]I have to decide.
That this is ok, right? I’m allowed this, I’m fine- I will live. She needs this from me and her needing anything from me is…. Isn’t this what I’ve wanted? In the very least I get a part of a whole that I can’t fully have. Why not have this then, even if it is just for tonight? The casual hello tomorrow will be nothing new. I decide.[/i]
I continued to work her...
She walked past me not saying a word. Watching each sinnew and muscle that contributes to her grace, I know I made the right decision, if just for tonight. I lay her down on her stomach, hands above her head- and that was where I started. Kissing her hands, having the whole length of her body subjected to my weight she moaned, but not in pain and not of love either.
By the time I got to her shoulders, her patience had waned. She turned quickly, under me, bringing me to her breast.
"Not yet" is somhow uttered from lips that also stole a moment to caress her nipple and another long deep kiss. She moaned again but this time into my mouth and I linger there because of it. She eventually would turn back over, but not for awhile. My mouth rejuvinated, I returned to the muscles I had just admired, the base of her neck- I kissed, then down her spine- I kissed, to the triangle hallow I worked my mouth over her, sometimes with full presence of my lips, then to nothing more then a whisper onto her skin. I let her turn over.
Immediately, she pulled me up to her, but her eyes already closed, I don't think it is me she is kissing, I don't care. I'm the one [i]with[/i] her right now. Turning over and over each other, hands wandering, teasing, we kissed like known lovers and I continued to love her as one.
Tracing her collarbones, I heard her heart. With my tongue tempting the last strands of her patience and her chest, I felt her heart. If only it was mine to hold. If it were mine to love as if it was my own then...
I glance up at her and I found her looking down at me, staring down my thoughts. Neither confirming nor denying them, I begin again with my mouth to her stomach. I resumed the task at hand, at least I knew her body was mine because I could feel every artery every vein pulsing in anticipation. Her breathe deep and quick into her lungs, the subtle arching of her back, the not so subtle spreading of her legs.
One last look up, but she was miles away, biting her lower lip, thinking about who she'd rather have here kissing her inner thighs. But stopping now is not an option, I lost myself in the softness that unfolds between her legs and I slowly started to bring her to climax.
Employing everything from my tongue, my mouth and hands, I found what she needed. Not a word spoken, but she told me so much. She moved with my touch, directing me to where I could manipulate her best. A breatheless exhale, her tightening and final pressing reaction told me that my time with her was almost complete. She ran her hands through my hair, she brought her whole self to me, finally letting herself go and with that she was still.
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